A story for the child who's fallen out with a friend
The best friend who suddenly doesn't want to play any more. A quarrel that won't blow over, one you catch the tail end of at home without ever quite knowing what happened. Your child is carrying it around, and you can see it in everything.
A story about friendship doesn't undo that quarrel. A book can't. What it does do: it gives your child a character who's stuck in exactly the same way, who's angry and sad too, and who finally finds the courage to take the first step.
The story adapts to your child's age. For a four-year-old it's about playing together again after a bump over a toy. For a ten-year-old it's about a friendship that no longer quite fits, and about daring to be honest.
Both sides of the quarrel get a face, because that's how it really feels. And it doesn't end with a tacked-on 'and then they were best friends again', but with something truer: laughing together being allowed once more, or the quiet feeling that you dared to say something hard.
What this story does
- The quarrel in the story is real and recognisable, not a little misunderstanding that clears up in one line.
- Both friends are partly right and partly wrong; your child sees that a quarrel is rarely one person's fault.
- The character walks back to the other one to put things right, even though it takes courage and a bit of swallowed pride.
- It comes good because your child takes the step, and you get to see it: playing together, laughing together, the feeling that it was worth it.
How the story grows with your child
Choose your child's age and see how the same theme grows with them, from preschooler to almost-teen.
For a child who is 4-5 years old
Around this age the feelings are big: angry and sad at the same time after a quarrel. Saying sorry feels scary. The story shows that it takes courage, and that it works.
What that looks like
The child and the friend have fallen out and are sitting apart. The child walks over on their own and gives a hug instead of a sorry. A moment later they're playing again, as if nothing had happened.
For a child who is 6 years old
Now a quarrel often starts over something small, but the rotten feeling is big. The story shows that you can walk over to the other one yourself and talk it out, with sorry going both ways.
What that looks like
After a quarrel in the playground the child dares to say something first the next day. 'That was silly of me.' The friend says sorry back, and they play again, with a little more understanding.
For a child who is 7-9 years old
A friendship can get stuck on a misunderstanding that grows bigger than it should. The story shows that an honest talk, really listening and sharing how you feel, makes the bond stronger than before.
What that looks like
The child is sure the friend was mean on purpose. When they finally talk it out, it turns out to be something else entirely. They both make an effort, and the friendship feels sturdier afterwards.
For a child who is 10-12 years old
At this age friendship gets more tangled: loyalty and honesty sometimes pull against each other. The story doesn't reach for an easy making-up moment, but shows that a friendship is allowed to change, and becomes more real for it.
What that looks like
On the bike ride home the child finally tells their friend: "I don't like how you've been treating me lately." For a moment it's quiet and awkward. Then the friend says, "I didn't realise," and they pedal on together.
Frequently asked questions
- Can I put a real friend in the story by name?
- Yes. You give us the name of the real friend, and the story is written around them, with your child as the main character. That way your child recognises not just themselves, but the friendship that's actually on their mind right now.
- Won't this turn into a preachy story about being nice?
- No. There's no little lesson anywhere about how you have to be kind. The understanding grows out of what the character goes through: the quarrel, the rotten feeling, the first step. Your child draws their own conclusion, exactly the way it happens in real life.
- Does a story help if my child won't talk about the quarrel?
- Often it does. A child who won't share anything themselves can still feel along with a character going through the same thing, at a safe distance. The story doesn't force a conversation, but it gives your child words and an example, in case they want to bring it up later after all.
Related themes
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